LOVE YOURSELF ANYWAY: BY A BIPOLAR MOM

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Guest Post: The writings of a bipolar mom (who is NOT a blogger)

by Melissa Rashid

Today was a good day. I even took the kids to the farmers market, something I haven’t braved since babe #2 was born. The stress of all the people, inevitable social interactions, all the noises, all the decisions..and then add two kids. No thanks, hard pass.

But today, we actually had fun! I let my rigid nap time schedule flex, we browsed, laughed, listened to music, had a smoothie, played at the park..even met some new friends. I didn’t realize that was even still possible. It felt good! But then again, there has been that all too familiar burst of productivity that’s been going on the past few days…

 

So I thought..am I getting better?? Finally?! Or is it just the new medication? Or the beginning of another phase of “mania”? Those inevitable peaks and valleys, that after becoming a mom have morphed into mountains and crevices. Deep, dark crevices that seem to have no bottom, no escape.

 

The Pain and the Depths

Suddenly I am waking up one day feeling so WITH it, so in control, invincible, so..super mom! All at the same time being so incredibly irritated you can’t help but tell your children to get away from you. Snap at your husband. Clutch at your hair and scream. Crumple to the floor and cry, your children comforting you..again. To be so hopeless, and yet radiating with energy. It’s hard as he** to keep up with the goings on inside your own head, and I don’t know about you but the constant shame and guilt is at times crippling.

We carry a large burden. We are not the burden, and I am here to tell you to love yourself anyway.

It’s time to put on your own oxygen mask. Through the madness, though all the “on” it takes to be a mom, the trudging through life, the awakening and subsequent crisis mode that happens with diagnosis. STOP. Even though it feels like the plane is going down, first and foremost – you have to put on your own mask! As counter intuitive as it is, as much as you may not even see the point at all, even though it’s one more thing: learn yourself, embrace all it means to be you. And then love yourself anyway.

Coping

If you want to cancel plans, cancel them.

If you just don’t have it in you to get on with the day, put those sweet kiddos in front of the TV and zone out with them.

If you can’t even stand them to be in the same room with you, find someone to love on them while you retreat.

Buy pre-made food and take a break from the kitchen.

And if you have decided today is definitely the day you finally go to Target and buy everything single thing you want…well, don’t do that! Paint your bathroom instead.

SEE IT! FEEL IT! Recognize it for what it is, stop beating yourself up over it, and despite whatever label that’s been put on you – take a moment to love yourself anyway.

The only way out is through, and unfortunately the only way through is to actually feel.

If you don’t have a good therapist, get one and put in the work to unload your story. Cry out for God, put on some oils, and get on with your bad self. You are not weak for needing time to sort through it. It’s not an easy path, and we are bada**es for simply surviving. This disease will simultaneously tear you down and make you the most resilient human ever made.

Even when you don’t see why you should – LOVE YOURSELF ANYWAY!

Melissa Rashid is a mother, wife, daughter and Army Brat. She attended Iowa State University where she studied computer science, but dropped out to go to cosmetology school. She didn’t stick with that either and is now a seasoned pharmacy technician that struggles with her profession due to a belief that God has provided us with bodies that can heal and a natural world that can assist. She is also a Wellness Advocate with doTERRA – a business she is growing in hopes that one day she can answer her true calling to natural healing. Having being recently diagnosed bipolar, she has switched focus from physical to emotional healing and is well versed in both. She has seen miraculous results in herself and her children with use of essential oils, and is excited to share her daily routines and struggles with you!

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